Coming Home to Myself

Divine Sparks, Soul Awakening, and the Power of Inner Transformation

I’ve been sharing about my profound awakening and transformation since I began publishing on Substack over a year ago. It was a process that illuminated so many things I had never been able to see before. It was about becoming aware of my patterns, stories, triggers, and conditioning, and how they shaped my reality and the way I experienced the world. That awareness touched every single aspect of my life, ranging from how I wasted money and time to how I communicated (or didn’t know how to) in relationships.

As that transformation integrated and stabilized, and my nervous system regulated, I began listening to my higher self and inner wisdom more and more. And as time went on, that voice—the voice of my soul—became louder and made so much more sense than the voice of ego. I began to know that voice as my true self—my most authentic self—beyond all of the conditioning, masks, and disempowering patterns.

Then, somewhere along the way, that led to another awakening. An awakening I didn’t even recognize at first. In fact, it has been unfolding for the past year or so, and strangely enough, what prompted me to suddenly realize that another dramatic shift was underway was a peculiar phenomenon that started happening to me all the time.

I went through a period of a few weeks, maybe a month or so, where almost every time I touched something, I gave off an electric spark. A serious electric spark. It didn’t matter what I was wearing or what I touched—it could have been a person, a sofa, a book, a light switch, a pillow—there was a huge spark. Sometimes, you could even see them. You could definitely hear them, and of course, you could certainly feel them. The shocks became so frequent and intense that understanding finally dawned on me, and I knew something significant was occurring.

I was going through another awakening, and this one was more of the soul and spirit variety. And before anyone tries to tell me those shocks were the result of something else, like static electricity, dry skin, or dry air, or anything else, I thought of all that. Nothing had changed in my home or with my clothes. The air wasn’t dry. It wasn’t the surface I was walking on. It wasn’t happening to anyone else in the home.

To me, those shocks felt like they were coming from within me because I was changing on a fundamental level. And as soon as I researched what was happening and learned it was a signal of a spiritual awakening, the shocks stopped. Completely. Awareness stabilized what was going on within.

I can’t explain it, but I can tell you that between my research, how I was feeling inside myself, and the spiritual practices I had been implementing, it made perfect sense. My consciousness was expanding, which created a surge in internal energy within me that was manifesting physically as electricity.

It felt as though my body was upgrading its energetic software, and as this upgrade occurred, it created an excess charge that released as shocks. I was activating and attuning to a different vibration and frequency. And once awareness dawned, the upgrade settled and integrated, and there was no longer excess energy to release.

Before the shocks began, I had been deepening my meditation practice, as well as my ritual of journaling with oracle cards. I was using Rebecca Campbell’s The Inner Temple Oracle Deck, and one day I came across another deck that spoke to my soul in a way I hadn’t experienced prior to that. I didn’t need another deck, and I loved working with Rebecca’s cards (and still do!), but I saw this unexpected deck and knew I deeply wanted to work with it. And, wow, did I. Using the two decks together, along with my journaling practice, catapulted me into this current awakening that unlocked my connection with my soul, as well as the divine, in a way that’s hard to convey.

I will share the new deck in an oracle card reading soon, so I won’t go into details about it here. What I will tell you now is that it facilitated and guided me to a much deeper connection with the divine. A connection I hadn’t realized I’d been searching for all my life. It felt like coming home. Home to myself, my soul, and to source. It unlocked me and deeply shifted my self-worth, my inner knowing, my trust in life and a force greater than me, my self-belief, and my worthiness.

It’s been such a peaceful, expansive awakening that I didn’t even realize it was happening. The best comparison I have to offer is that it feels like a slow-motion time-release flower opening and awakening, petal by petal, in a beautiful, gentle unfolding. As each petal opens, I feel more connected to myself and to the sacred. And as I release more and more of what disempowers me and embrace what empowers me, I feel my authentic self rising.

I no longer need any answers from outside of myself—I know all of my answers are within me. I no longer need to hide parts of myself. And as I step forward and stand tall in my beingness, I know I no longer need to hide parts of myself from myself, either. Another layer of awareness, acceptance, and willingness to see all of myself has also expanded within me.

So, even though this has felt more like a spiritual or soul awakening, it’s also been extremely illuminating and revealing, exposing shadows, illusions, and stories I hadn’t been ready to confront and dismantle. The layers keep peeling back, and I become more and more excited—almost ecstatic—each time a new layer is exposed. Because every time I release another layer, I rise more into myself.

I’m also finding that even though there are some issues and shadows I’ve become aware of, life is still gifting me opportunities to integrate them on an entirely different level. Which means a deeper release of patterns and beliefs that hold me down or block me from ascending into my fullest potential.

For example, I’ve been able to truly see and feel how any judgments, assumptions, narratives, thoughts, AND my attachments to them are what cause me the most emotional upset and nervous system dysregulation, and lead me to feeling stressed, out of balance, and out of control.

I’m the common denominator for how I feel on a regular basis. No matter what someone else does or doesn’t do, whether boundaries need to be set or not, I’m creating my internal state. What I now understand on a much more embodied level is that my own brain creates most of my distress. I know I’ve written about this for the past year, but this new awakening has revealed new levels of understanding, and as I continue integrating the learnings, I feel true internal liberation at deeper and deeper levels.

In the past, I never felt like I had any control or power over how I felt. My emotions were a result of what someone else did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ignoring the actions of other people, especially harmful actions. However, what I’ve realized is how much power I actually do have. I have power over whether or not I attempt to control the actions of others. I have power over how involved I become in someone else’s life. And I have far more influence over my own thoughts, emotions, actions, and attachments than I once believed. Which means I also have the ability to determine how much importance I attach to any of those things.

Over the past few years, I’ve been learning to take this power back and to take accountability for my participation in anything and everything. I’m not helpless. I’m not a victim. I don’t need to blame other people for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I acknowledge that I have certain thought patterns that can very easily give rise to feeling helpless and victimized, and I no longer choose to live in those patterns.

I also don’t need to take accountability for another person’s thoughts, emotions, actions, or reactions. It isn’t my responsibility to manage someone else’s growth, what they do or don’t do, their acceptance or denial, or their patterns of self-sabotage. And let me tell you, I feel giddy inside, finally truly knowing, believing, and feeling that I don’t have to.

It is my responsibility, though, to manage myself in the best way I can. And this deep, deep connection with my soul, my inner self, and my creator has expanded and shifted my perspectives, beliefs, and inner knowing in such a way that I’ll never be the same again. I now have the power to stand in my truth, integrity, and accountability, all while keeping an open heart.

And that’s one of the best parts of this awakening because I’m truly learning to let go of attaching to what people say and do (or don’t say and do), so that I can remain clear within myself and not get swept up into feelings of judgment, righteous indignation, anger, or whatever else.

I’ve learned to use my power to direct myself—my thoughts, emotions, actions, perceptions, beliefs, and habits because that’s where my true power lives. I’ve learned to be true to myself, stand up for myself, and do what I need to do for me—all while remaining compassionate, soft, and open-hearted. It’s a different kind of inner knowing and power.

This awakening feels like a true rebirth. But I don’t think of it as death and rebirth. I know a lot of times we hear that something needs to die in order for something new to be born, and even though most of the time, I do think that’s true, I’ve come to think of it differently. I see it less as death and rebirth, but actually as alchemy, ascension, and rebirth.

Alchemy transforms through transmutation—our pain, shadows, endings, and experiences are turned into awareness, wisdom, and power. As the alchemical process takes hold, we begin to feel lighter and more expansive, and as a result, we begin to align and rise into a fuller embodiment and expression of ourselves—ascension. And as we rise, expand, and ascend into alignment, we emerge and are reborn as something new—becoming our authentic selves.

I don’t feel finished. If anything, I feel like I’m only beginning. But for the first time in my life, I trust the unfolding. I trust what’s rising within me. And I trust the quiet voice of my soul that has been patiently waiting for me to finally listen.

Maybe awakening isn’t about escaping ourselves at all. Maybe it’s about fully arriving within ourselves.

Layer by layer.

Breath by breath.

Choice by choice.

Until one day we realize we are no longer searching for home because we have finally become it.

With love,

Gina